Welcome To The Family
by la z boy
Summary: It's Jack Weasley's birthday weekend and he's excited to see his favorite cousin Ron. But he and his sister Abby are NOT so thrilled that he brought his girlfriend Hermione, who they believe stole him away. And it's Jack and Abby's intention to "help" Ron out...which only means trouble and humiliation for Hermione.
1. Welcome To The Weekend

**A/N: So, yeah, I love prank stories. And this basic idea has been floating around in my head for a few years, but only recently became what it is now. Initially, this was only going to be 5 or 6 chapters, but in discussing ideas with the awesome dreamchild333, I just might have to extend that chapter order.**

**Anyway, this first chapter is more of an introduction. And, the M rating will come into play later. But enjoy Chapter 1!**

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Chapter 1

Welcome to the Weekend

The loud crack that accompanied Ron and Hermione's arrival by Apparation to their destination reverberated throughout the sun-drenched countryside. The couple let go of each other's hands and took in their new surroundings.

"Well ... this is it," announced Ron.

The home of Ron's Uncle Albert and Aunt Gwendolyn wasn't much different from The Burrow and its surrounding geography. Much like the towering home that Hermione had become so accustomed to, miles of greenery stretched on from every side. A small shed not unlike the one Arthur Weasley had sat to the left of the main house under a large tree which provided a good amount of shade, while a larger dark red farmhouse rested a few feet away, completely out in the middle of the sunlight. Ron had told Hermione that Albert, one of Arthur's two brothers, was into raising animals and the lush countryside he and his family inhabited afforded him that opportunity. Just outside the farmhouse, Hermione could see a pig pen where five fully-grown pigs were either roaming around in their mud or contentedly eating from their troughs. She could only guess what other animals lay inside the farmhouse.

As for the home of Ron's relatives itself, the first noticeable difference on the outside from The Burrow was that it wasn't nearly as tall. This house had the same ramshackle appearance, but a much more manageable two stories, easily accommodating for a family of four. There was Albert, Gwendolyn and their two children Abby and Jack.

Ron and Hermione had come for a weekend stay because the next day, Saturday the 15th of March, was young Jack's birthday. He was to be eight years old, and seeing as how Hermione had yet to spend enough time getting to know any of Ron's non-immediate relations, she had wholeheartedly agreed with Molly's idea to use the opportunity for an extended stay. After all, Ron was now her boyfriend, so it was only logical.

"It seems warmly familiar," said Hermione as she smiled at Ron. "I like it."

"Good," Ron smiled back as he gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "Come on." He tightened his hold on each of their bags and guided Hermione to the front door.

On their way, Hermione gazed up at one of the windows and saw a quick flash of red that almost immediately disappeared. _That must be Abby and Jack_, she thought to herself.

"Right on time," noted Hermione as she glanced at her watch and saw that it was 11 a.m. on the dot. Ron knocked firmly three times on the door.

"Just a minute!" rang out a friendly female voice from the opposite side of the door. A few seconds later, it opened to reveal a slender red-haired woman with kind blue eyes dressed in a green dress and an apron: Gwendolyn. When Gwendolyn's eyes found Ron, her face lit up.

"Ronnie! You made it!" She wrapped him in a bear hug.

"Of course we did," Ron answered, his voice slightly muffled. "Couldn't miss Jack's birthday now, could I?"

Gwendolyn let him go and moved her gaze to Hermione. The smile on her lips never faltered. "And _this _must be Hermione!" Hermione barely had time to nod before she herself was pulled into a warm embrace. She was immediately reminded of Molly's disposition. "It's so good to finally meet you, dear. Ronnie's talked so much about you, and I only caught a glimpse of you at Bill and Fleur's wedding."

"It's nice to meet you too, Gwendolyn," Hermione said into the fabric of the arm encircling her.

"Oh, please, call me Gwen," Gwen told the teenager as she let her go. "No need to be so formal. Now, come in."

She shepherded Ron and Hermione inside and closed the door behind them.

* * *

"So ... _that's _her? She definitely doesn't look good enough for Ron!" declared Abby as she watched Hermione step into the house along with Ron.

"Yeah, I thought Ron hated her!" agreed Jack. "Any time he talked about her before now, he was always complaining and saying how annoying she was. So how come they're dating?"

"I bet she tricked him into becoming her boyfriend!" proposed Abby. "With how 'smart' she is, I could see her doing something like that. Just using Ron to get what she wants."

"It's bad enough that they're together," sighed Jack. "But it's even _worse _that she's intruding on my birthday weekend! I want to spend time with my favorite cousin, _not _the evil witch that stole him away!"

"Me too!"

Abby and Jack had watched Ron and Hermione arrive from the window of Jack's room. Abby was slightly taller than her brother, mainly because she was one year older, and wore her bright red hair in pigtails that hung from either side of her head. She was dressed in a purple shirt and pink pants and was sitting on one of the two benches she and Jack had pushed under the window to properly spy. Jack had a mop of red hair that was strikingly similar to Ron's hairstyle and his attire for the day consisted of a maroon Chudley Cannons t-shirt and brown pants.

Furthermore, if Jack's shirt wasn't indicative of his love for Quidditch, then the posters, action figures and the themed bedspread that made up the design of his room made it crystal clear. It was no secret why he and Ron got along so well.

"So ... what do we do?" asked Jack as he swung his left leg back and forth.

"I say we do Ron a favor and show him Hermione isn't the right one for him," said Abby with an evil smirk.

"Ooooh, good idea! But if she really does have a spell over him, then the right way to do that would be to make her lift it."

"How do we do that, though?"

After a few seconds, Jack got his own evil smirk. "I think I can come up with a few ideas."

* * *

Albert Weasley was just what Hermione had expected. It seemed unfailing kindness ran in the family, because the open-armed welcome into his household she received from him seemed so natural. Even if Hermione being Ron's girlfriend had anything to do with it, she was still practically a stranger to them, so this was reassuring all the same.

Albert's head of red hair was thinning, which gave him a prominent forehead, and Hermione could definitely see a resemblance to Arthur in his facial structure. Unlike Arthur, though, Albert had a dark red mustache to set himself apart.

"You're even lovelier than Ron described, Hermione," he said in a pleasant tone. This made both Hermione and Ron blush.

"Thank you, Albert," Hermione said graciously. "And might I say you really have a lovely home."

In fact, Hermione had realized the interior of the house wasn't too far off from the look of The Burrow: slightly cluttered, but welcoming.

"Yes, it's not much, but it's home. Arthur, Arnold and I always did share similar tastes. Either that or we all married women even _more _similar." Albert shared a chaste kiss with his wife.

"You have uncles whose names all start with 'A'?" Hermione asked Ron in amusement.

"Yeah, Gramps and Gran are funny that way," Ron said with a grin.

"By the way, I apologize for Jack and Abby still being upstairs." Albert walked over to the kitchen doorway. "Kids!" he called out. "Don't be rude, come down and greet our guests!"

Immediately, the sound of shuffling footsteps drifted down, and everybody in the kitchen could track their movements as they came from the upper level, to the staircase and finally through the hallway until two small children stood in the doorway.

"RON!" Jack and Abby both exclaimed simultaneously.

The kids darted past their father and completely ignored Hermione as each of them dashed by on either side of her with so much speed, she was nearly knocked down.

Ron had dropped his and Hermione's bags so that he could squat down and take his young cousins into a huge hug. "Abby! Jack! Great to see you guys again!"

"It's been too long!" Jack agreed.

"We _missed _you!" Abby added.

"I missed you, too," said Ron as he ruffled their hair. "But I wouldn't miss this weekend for anything. Hey, there's someone I want you two to meet." He stood up and turned them around. "This is Hermione, my girlfriend."

Abby and Jack were staring at Hermione with very unreadable expressions. It made Hermione slightly nervous, so she decided to step forward and take matters into her own hands.

"Hello! I've heard so much about you two!" she greeted in the friendliest voice she could muster.

Abby and Jack kept their slightly unsettling looks on their faces for a few more seconds before they ultimately smiled at the 20 year-old witch.

"Hi, I'm Jack," the boy said, sticking out his hand. Hermione eyed it a moment before returning the gesture with relief.

"Nice to meet you, Jack," replied Hermione. "And thank you for letting me come to your birthday party."

"Sure! I'm glad you're here!"

Abby mirrored her brother by extending her own hand for Hermione to shake. "I'm Abby, and I can't wait to spend time with you!"

"Aww, thank you, Abby! I'm sure we'll have lots of fun this weekend!"

Nobody in the room picked up on the devious nature of the smile Jack and Abby shared at that moment.

"Well," said Ron, "I'll just go ahead and take our bags up to the rooms."

"Good, you know where the guest rooms are, Ron," supplied Gwen. "Yours is the one on the left when you first get off the stairs, and we put Hermione in the one at the end of the hall."

"Oh, can I help Ron with Hermione's bag?" asked Jack eagerly. Both he and Ron looked to Hermione for her permission, which she gave.

"Here, let me make it easier for you, Jackie." Ron took out his wand and shrunk Hermione's bag to a more manageable size for Jack. The boys soon trekked upstairs.

Not thirty seconds had passed after they left before Abby grabbed hold of Hermione's hand. "Come on, Hermione! I want you to meet Nigel!"

Hermione threw Albert and Gwen a curious look. "Who's Nigel?"

"Oh, he's our Greyhound," responded Albert. "Sweetest dog you'll ever meet. The children adore him, and I'm sure he'll think the same of you."

"Just remember, Abby, we're all having lunch together in a little over an hour," said Gwen as a few enchanted kitchen tools lined themselves up in the same fashion as soldiers reporting for duty. "So don't stay outside too long."

"Okay, Mummy!"

And with that, Abby tugged on Hermione's hand and led her out into the backyard.

_These kids seem really nice, _Hermione thought along the way.


	2. Bite Worse Than The Bark

**A/N: And this is where the fun begins! For this first prank, I got inspiration from the 2003 movie Cheaper By The Dozen. Anybody who's seen the movie will see what I'm talking about. ;)**

**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 2**

Bite Worse Than The Bark

"See? He's a good boy, yes he is," Abby cooed to Nigel.

The little girl was crouched beside the Greyhound in question, who had his tongue hanging out and was panting heavily. Abby was rubbing her left hand along the dog's side while her right was holding onto his leash. Hermione, meanwhile, was patting his head. This action was causing Nigel to gaze up at her with accepting eyes.

Hermione liked dogs, and she could tell Nigel was indeed a sweetheart. In the time since Abby had brought her outside, Nigel warmed up to Hermione instantly, with a few licks of her hands and cheek serving as proof of that. Was there any member of the Weasley family who _wasn't _so welcoming?

"Hey, Hermione, can you hold his leash for a minute?" asked Abby. "I'll go get one of his toys and we can play Fetch with him. I think I see a ball under that tree." She pointed towards a tree that was just a few steps away.

"Sure, not a problem," Hermione replied as Abby handed her the leather leash.

Abby quickly ran over to the base of the tree and knelt down.

"He sure seems to like you, alright."

The sound of Ron's voice behind her caused Hermione to turn around and see him and Jack approaching her.

"It seems to run in the family," commented Hermione as she scratched Nigel behind the ears, something the dog visibly took pleasure in.

"Where's Abby?" asked Jack, his eyes darting all around.

"She's over there getting Nigel's -" Hermione stopped once she noticed that Abby had vanished from the spot she'd been in only moments before. "Well, she _was _right there ..."

"Don't worry, she probably just went behind the tree," said Jack as he walked in that direction. "I'll get her!"

This left Ron and Hermione alone, discounting Nigel.

"You, Jack and Abby really seem to be hitting it off," remarked Ron.

There was a note of slight surprise in his voice that Hermione picked up on without even having to pay full attention. "You seem surprised at that. Why? Am I so hard for kids to get along with?"

"No, it's just that those two have never really been ... so quick to warm up to new people."

Hermione arched an eyebrow. "Meaning ...? They seem lovely!"

Ron shook his head dismissively. "Forget about it. It doesn't seem like something you should worry about, anyway. Listen, Uncle Albert and Aunt Gwen only took half the day off so they could be here to greet us. So that mean after lunch, they have to go into work for the rest of the day. And it'll just be us, Jack and Abby all that while. I told them that'd be alright."

"Why wouldn't it be?"

Ron looked relieved to hear this. "Great! Well, Aunt Gwen asked me to help her in the kitchen. I suppose I don't need to ask if you'll be alright if I left you alone with Jack and Abby?"

Hermione smiled, kissed him and playfully pushed him away. "Go! We'll be fine!"

Ron grinned at her and headed back into the house.

Hermione went back to petting Nigel, who now appeared to be getting restless. Hermione glanced up at the base of the tree, and her stomach dropped slightly when she saw that Jack had now disappeared as well. "Oh, Merlin," she breathed as panic started to overtake her. "Jack? Abby? Where did you go?" she called out. Hermione looked around at the expanse of grass and trees, but saw no sign of the young Weasleys.

Gripping Nigel's leash tighter, she began to guide the Greyhound forward to the tree. "How could I lose them?" Hermione berated herself.

But Hermione's panic was short-lived.

Without any sort of warning, Nigel's ears perked straight up and he stared intently ahead of him. He also stopped in his tracks.

"Nigel? What is i-"

But before Hermione could finish the question, Nigel took off running in the direction he'd been looking. That wouldn't have been so much of a problem if Hermione hadn't still been holding onto the dog's leash.

Since she _was, _Hermione was jerked forward once the motion caught up through the leash, and the force of the action was so strong that it literally propelled her through the air slightly.

"WHOA!" she exclaimed in the midst of her brief moment of flight.

Hermione also let go of the leash while she was still in midair, which let Nigel run free after whatever it was that had gotten his attention. Unfortunately for her, though, Hermione's landing wasn't pleasant. She belly-flopped face down right into a sizeable mud puddle that had been leftover from a rainstorm two days ago. Hermione made contact with the brown muck with an audible grunt and squelch.

A moment of shock passed before Hermione dazedly raised her face from the mud and she was immediately met with the sight of Jack and Abby standing in front of her, each of them wearing shocked expressions.

Jack moved his hand away from his pants pocket as if he'd just put something away. "Oh, wow! Hermione, I'm ... so sorry." But he was clearly trying not to laugh.

She couldn't blame him, though. As Hermione raised herself up on her hands and knees, she took stock of her current appearance. The front of her cream-colored blouse was now dark brown, as was the front of her jeans.

Abby whistled with her fingers, which made Nigel come racing back to where they were in an instant. He wasted no time in licking a good bit of mud off of Hermione's face.

"Eugh, Nigel, don't lick that!" Abby chastised her pet.

Hermione slowly got to her feet and looked down at herself once again. From the front, she appeared to be a mud creature, with not a clean area to speak of. Only the back of her clothes remained spotless. It was a sort of icky Yin and Yang image.

"You should use _Scourgify_ on yourself, Hermione," suggested Jack.

Hermione sighed. "No, I think I'll just wash off in the shower and be fresh for lunch."

"Again, we're sorry Nigel did that," said Abby.

"It was just an accident," Hermione concluded. With that, she turned around and trudged back towards the house.

Once she was gone, Jack and Abby grinned widely and low-fived each other.

"Phase One of Operation Meat Nigel complete!" Jack crowed. He took from his pocket a dog whistle, which he admired triumphantly for its successful use only moments earlier. "Everything's going perfectly. Now onto Phase Two!"

"Good boy, Nigel!" Abby said to the dog as she rubbed the side of his head.

* * *

Hermione had the same thing to say to Ron, Albert and Gwen about her appearance that she did to Jack and Abby: "It was an accident." After proceeding upstairs, quickly washing off her hands so she could retrieve a clean change of clothes as well as a Muggle hairdryer from her bag and going into the bathroom to strip off her muddy attire, Hermione stepped into the shower and gratefully let the flow of warm water wash away any residual muck. She reasoned that she shouldn't be too upset at Nigel, partially because he didn't know what he'd been doing and also because it was she who had let go of the leash too late. This incident could be chalked up as "no one's fault."

During her shower, Hermione thought she heard the bathroom door open for a moment, and when she poked her head out to look she noticed her dirty clothes were gone.

_Someone must've just taken them to clean, _she thought.

Hermione took a bit longer to finish her shower in order to make sure she was extra clean. By the time she was done, the water had started to turn cold. She took a minute to dry herself off and changed into the clothes she'd left on the sink counter. Then came her hair.

Like his brother, Albert Weasley shared a fascination for anything Muggle. He had even taken the time to learn about electrical outlets and had them put into his house. That meant Hermione could use her hairdryer from home without any trouble. Every once in a while, she liked to be able to still do a few things "the Muggle way."

As she was running her hands through her now-dry hair while looking in the mirror, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" Hermione called out.

The door cracked open partway and Ron stuck his head inside.

"Lunch is ready!" he announced as he took in Hermione's clean state. "Perfect timing, too, it looks like."

"Yeah, I'll be down in a minute. Hey," Hermione said before Ron closed the door, "did somebody come and take my other clothes?"

Ron nodded. "Yeah, Jack and Abby came in and got them and gave them to Aunt Gwen to clean. She said she'd prefer they get a 'proper cleaning.' Anyway, they promise they didn't see anything," he added with a wink before closing the door.

Hermione rolled her eyes at his joke and gave herself one last once-over while straightening out her dark green top. Satisfied, she exited the bathroom and went to her room and made a beeline for her bag that was sitting on the bed. It was her intention to retrieve her wand and place it in her pocket like she always did in magical settings, but there was one problem: her wand was nowhere to be found.

"What the ...?"

Hermione spent a few more minutes looking through all the compartments, but still came up empty.

"Hey, are you coming or what?"

"Do you know where I put my wand?" Hermione asked Ron, who was standing in her doorway.

"Why?"

"Because I can't find it. I swore I packed it." She resumed searching.

"Well, I'll help you look after lunch," said Ron hurriedly. "Now come on, while the food's still hot." Whenever food was involved, there was no arguing with Ron Weasley.

Hermione sighed deeply, looked one last time at her bag and joined Ron in the hallway. They went downstairs and into the kitchen, where Albert and Gwen had just finished organizing plates of chicken, sandwiches, fruits and dessert tarts.

When Gwen laid eyes on Hermione, she smiled. "You clean up well!"

"It's better to be thorough in cases like the one I just had," Hermione smiled back as she pulled out the seat at the end of the table and occupied it. Ron took the seat immediately on her left.

"Again, I apologize for Nigel," said Albert with a shake of his head from his seat at the other end of the table. "Sometimes he gets too excitable. He must've seen a rabbit or something."

"Really, apart from some muddy clothes, it's fine," reassured Hermione. "Nothing that can't be fixed."

Albert smiled back. "Now, then, where did Jack and Abby wander off to? I swear they're late for everything," he said while chuckling.

"They went to put Nigel in his crate in the other room," answered Gwen as she sat to the right of Hermione.

"We're back!" proclaimed Abby as she and her brother tore into the kitchen and hopped into the chairs on either side of their father.

"Well, now that we're all here, let's dig in!" Albert announced cheerfully.

Everybody did just that, helping themselves to whatever they wanted. The first ten minutes of the meal passed with normal conversation made. But that soon changed.

After Hermione finished a few sips of pumpkin juice, there came a crashing sound from somewhere in the house, followed by the sound of claws rushing against hardwood floors. Everyone paused and watched as Nigel, obviously free from his crate, bolted into the kitchen and maneuvered his way under the table.

Hermione barely had time to register what was happening before she felt Nigel's face in between her legs. He was growling and furiously nibbling at an area of Hermione's body she did _not _want a dog to be nibbling at. Shocked, she abandoned her food and tried to push Nigel off of her.

"Get away! Get away!" she said desperately. It was starting to get _very _awkward and uncomfortable.

"Nigel, stop!" Ron commanded, but the dog persisted.

Everyone's attention was now focused on the confusing incident, but Jack and Abby were the only ones finding any humor in it. They had their fists pressed to their mouths to suppress their laughter.

Nigel's attack was so forceful, it was causing Hermione's chair to wriggle violently. It finally became so strong, that Hermione tumbled out of the chair and was momentarily free of the canine. She used the chance to scurry across the floor, but her reprieve was only short-lived. This time, Nigel's teeth found something to clamp onto: Hermione's upturned butt.

"YEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOUUUUUCH!" she yelled out.

As Nigel continued to shake his head and retain his toothy grip, Ron, Albert and Gwen leapt to their feet and all swarmed down on the Greyhound. They started to try and pull Nigel off Hermione, but he had a firm hold.

"GET. HIM. OFFFFFFF!" Hermione pleaded.

All the shaking eventually made Nigel relinquish his hold on Hermione's butt, but the fabric of her pants stayed in his mouth. It was then that Hermione heard the last thing she wanted to hear.

The sound of tearing fabric.

Hermione could feel that Nigel had finally been hauled off of her, but with it came a sudden draft down below. The only sound now was unrestrained laughter from Jack and Abby.

Hermione cautiously turned her head around to see that Ron, Albert and Gwen were all awkwardly looking anywhere but at her. It was no secret why, though.

Nigel had torn off not only the seat of Hermione's pants, but also those of her underwear as well, providing for a clear view of a sizeable portion of her butt.

Hermione squealed in embarrassment, scrambled to her feet and ran off to her room to find replacement pants. After she'd left, it took a good minute for the stunned Weasleys to recompose themselves.

"Let's put him outside!" ordered Ron. Albert and Gwen nodded their agreement and together, the three of them pulled a still-struggling Nigel out into the backyard.

Now that they were alone, Jack and Abby let the rest of their laughter out unfiltered.

"Operation Meat Nigel accomplished!" declared Jack happily. He shared a high-five with Abby.

"That was _great!_" Abby said between laughs. "Did you see how Nigel ripped part of her pants off?! That was priceless!"

"Oh, there's plenty more where that came from!" grinned Jack. "Trust me, the fun's just beginning!"

* * *

**Like Jack said, this is just the beginning! So imagine what ELSE they have in store for Hermione. **


	3. Intruder Alert!

**A/N: And the madness continues! This was a really fun chapter to write.**

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**Chapter 3**

Intruder Alert!

When Hermione came back into the kitchen after changing into a different and darker pair of jeans, she wasn't surprised to find every Weasley there staring at her uncertainly. The awkwardness over what had transpired just minutes earlier clearly still hung in the air.

"I'm fine," Hermione reassured them with a smile, but as she did, she subconsciously rubbed a hand over her butt. In truth, it still smarted a bit from Nigel's bite. So she sat back down in her seat as gently as she could.

"We decided to keep Nigel outside in his dog house for the remainder of your visit, anyhow," Albert informed Hermione. "Better safe than sorry."

Hermione glanced over at the backdoor and saw Nigel looking through the window panes in it. He had his tongue out like nothing had even happened between the two of them. Either that or it was a sign that he was eager to pick up where he left off. Hermione shuddered at the thought, nodded her appreciation and the rest of lunch passed in silence.

At the conclusion of the meal, Jack and Abby went away to Jack's room while Hermione and Ron helped Albert and Gwen clear the table. Soon afterwards, it was time for the parents to go into work.

"It seems the Ministry hates to be short-staffed," said Albert in front of the living room fireplace.

"We should be back no later than six," assured Gwen as she took a handful of Floo Powder from a pot filled with it which sat on a nearby table. Her husband did the same. "Hopefully, Jack and Abby won't give you too much trouble."

"I'm sure we'll be alright," said Ron dismissively.

"Dinner will go better, I'm sure," joked Albert halfheartedly. He looked at Hermione, who went red slightly. Simultaneously, Albert and Gwen shouted out "The Ministry of Magic!" and in a flash of green, the two adults vanished from the spot.

The ticking of a Grandfather Clock in a corner was the only sound left behind in their wake. The time read 1:05 p.m., which meant that Hermione and Ron were in charge of the children for the next four hours or so.

"Let's look for my wand some more," Hermione suggested instantly. Without waiting for a reply, she took hold of Ron's hand and pulled him upstairs to her room to resume the search.

This time, Hermione dumped out the contents of her bag over the bed so that she and Ron could sift through everything in case her wand might have lodged itself in the crease of a shirt or pair of pants. But it didn't take long for them to realize Hermione's wand was indeed nowhere to be found.

"Since this is _you _we're talking about, I won't even bother asking if you're sure you packed it," Ron sighed exasperatedly as he laid back on the bed and spread both arms wide.

"I just don't understand!" Hermione grunted in frustration. "I don't see how it cou-" A thought suddenly occurred to her. "Wait. Jack was the one who brought my bag up here earlier."

Ron sat back up and shared a look with his girlfriend that silently showed his understanding, but he voiced the question anyway. "You think Jack stole your wand?"

Hermione shrugged. "He brought my bag in here, my wand was definitely inside it at the time and now it's gone. What other explanation is there?"

Ron exhaled heavily. "As always, you make sense." He lifted himself up from the bed. "Alright, then, I'll go have a chat with him." Ron started to walk out of the room, but Hermione put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"Wait, maybe I should be the one to do it."

"Why?"

"Because that way, he'll know I'm not upset about it and won't feel too frightened about telling the truth." As always, it was a common Hermione Granger logical answer.

Ron gazed at her questioningly. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I promise I'll be gentle with him," Hermione said while patting Ron's arm in reassurance.

He nodded and went to sit back down on the bed as Hermione stepped into the hallway. Jack's room was on the right side of the hallway, the second door down from the top of the staircase. Hermione quickly crossed the hallway to reach it, and noticed the door was slightly ajar. She was about to knock on the door when the sound of Jack and Abby talking on the other side made her halt in mid-action.

"Soaking Hermione's underwear in meat so that Nigel would bite her on the butt was a _brilliant _idea, Jack!" giggled Abby.

"And him ripping her pants like that ... that was perfect!" Jack said between chuckles. "Did you _see _her bum?" He was laughing fully now.

_What in the name of Merlin?! _Hermione stood rigid with shock at what she was hearing for a moment, then she decided to press herself up against the wall so she could continue eavesdropping.

The laughter carried on for a good thirty seconds before it eventually died down.

"So, what are we going to do to her next?" asked Abby.

"Here, let me show you," replied Jack. "And to make things better, she won't be able to use magic to get out of it since I took her wand."

Carefully, Hermione peered through the crack in the doorway from her vantage point, where there was a direct line of sight to a mirror mounted on one of Jack's walls. The reflection in said mirror showed Jack and Abby sitting on Jack's bed and Jack handing a piece of paper to his sister. Abby looked over what was on that paper and grinned.

"Well then, we should get to work!" she declared.

The two kids got off the bed and began moving towards the door. Hermione took that as her cue and scurried away on tiptoe and made for her room as fast as she could. She wasn't sure if either Jack or Abby saw her before she was able to close her own door; she was just concerned about not being right beside them when they came out.

"So ... did he take it?" Ron inquired once Hermione had returned.

Hermione's mind was still racing from what she'd just discovered. _Nigel going after me was a prank? But ... why would they ...?_

"He did," she finally said, in effect snapping herself out of her reverie. "But I also discovered something else."

"What?"

Hermione hesitated momentarily as she tried figuring out the best way to word what was on her mind. Then, she thought back to earlier in the backyard, when Ron had acted surprised at Jack and Abby's supposed acceptance of her. "Ron," she began slowly, "are you sure there's not anything about Jack and Abby you want to tell me about? Something maybe I should know? Something about how they ... treat new people, perhaps?"

The way Ron's face went from curious to knowing confirmed Hermione's suspicions. "Er ... why would you ask that?"

The fact that he seemed to be dancing around the subject started to slightly annoy Hermione. "Oh, I don't know. It _could _be because I was just outside Jack's door and overheard him and Abby congratulating themselves on soaking my knickers in meat so that Nigel would attack me like he did." She raised an eyebrow sternly when Ron tried to pass off a bit of laughter as a cough. "Why don't you seem all that surprised?"

Ron cleared his throat. "I wasn't in on that in case you were thinking so," he said before pausing momentarily. "Alright, confession time. Jack and Abby ... well, they have sort of a _reputation. _Only, nobody else really knows about it. You see, whether it be a few select family members, babysitters or new people brought home to meet the family - like you - when it comes to those people, let's just say they like to take more than one page out of Fred and George's book."

Hermione nodded while crossing her arms. "And you didn't think that was something I should've known about before coming here? You know how I feel about pranks! I think they're stupid and juvenile."

"Well, in my defense, Jack and Abby really seemed to like you, so I wasn't worried about it." Ron went over and opened the bedroom door. "Look, we can go and talk to them together. I'm sure we can convince them to stop before they do anything else."

Hermione was about to agree when a thought suddenly occurred to her. "Or not ..." She elaborated upon seeing the look Ron gave her. "Jack still has my wand, most likely hidden in his room. And I'd like to have it in my possession when we talk to them."

"So, you're just going to go into his room and find it? _That's _sneaky."

"So was soaking my knickers in meat!" Hermione fired back. "We'll see how _he _likes others doing things behind his back!"

"Okay, but remember, they _are _still my cousins," said Ron as he and Hermione stepped out into the hallway. "So maybe not too much unbridled anger."

Hermione thought she heard a scuffle of movement near the top of the stairs, but ignored it. "I'm great with kids ... as long as they behave." She stopped in front of Jack's bedroom door. "Anyway, get them ready. I shouldn't be too long."

Ron parted company with her and went downstairs. Hermione took an extra moment, breathed in, opened the door and stepped into the room. Once inside, she closed the door as stealthily as she could. It was then that Hermione got her first good look at Jack's room.

If she hadn't known any better, she could've sworn it was Ron's room. Hermione noticed many similarities, not just in the decor, but also in how it was arranged. It was the kind of similarity that inspired goosebumps.

"No wonder the two of them get along so well." Hermione shook her head and refocused on the task at hand. "Now ... if I were Jack, where would I hide a wand?" She kept her gaze trained on everything at eye-level.

If she had looked down, then Hermione would've noticed a length of red string that stretched from the bottom of the dresser pushed up against the left wall and ended at one of the posts of Jack's bed. Her lower right leg unknowingly made contact with the string, which released it from the bedpost and made it zip across the floor and up the length of the dresser. Hermione didn't notice it until it was too late.

The other end of the string, as it turned out, was connected to a switch on a portable radio mounted on top of the dresser. And once the string had traveled all the way up, the switch was flipped. The radio was then turned on, and noise burst through the speaker.

"INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! YOU ARE TRESPASSING! INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!"

It was a looped recording of Jack's voice and it rang throughout the room like the siren that it was. The "alarm" was so loud, it made Hermione cover her ears, but it was only then that she realized it was obviously loud enough to filter out into the rest of the house.

Hermione hurriedly tried to flip the radio off, but found that the switch was apparently stuck in the "On" position. Overcome with panic, Hermione did the first thing that came to mind: run. She placed her hand on the doorknob, but was immediately met with the surprising sensation of electrical jolts.

"Yeow!" She jerked her hand away and shook it to relieve the stinging. _I can't get out!_ she realized in horror. Whereas just a few seconds ago, a single word occupied her thoughts, it had now been replaced with a new one: hide. The silliness of such an idea didn't matter at the moment; it was purely out of instinct.

The first thing that caught her eye was the closet, so she headed there. The moment she opened the double doors, however, Hermione wished she hadn't.

From above, a Quaffle attached to another piece of string swung down with enough velocity that when it hit Hermione square in the face, it literally made her feel dazed and off-balance. Vaguely, she registered her right foot pressing down on something that might have been a loose floorboard, so the fact that a second Quaffle shot out at her from the closet shouldn't have surprised her so much. This one, however, nailed her in the crotch, causing her to double over.

"Ooooof!"

Hermione was still doubled over by the time the second Quaffle came back for another collision, and the resulting blow to the face was enough to send her stumbling clumsily backwards until she landed face-down on Jack's bed. After a moment, she raised her head to shake it of the foggy feeling while registering the still-ringing alarm. Hermione slowly looked to her left and saw the headboard of the bed, and noticed something peculiar about it. In-between two shelving areas meant for books, there was a piece of wood that looked like it slid either way and thus had a secret storage space behind it. And it seemed a likely candidate for a place to hide a stolen wand.

_As long as I'm here, I might as well check._

Hermione maneuvered herself on the bed so that she was lying stomach-down on it from top to bottom and was facing the headboard. Slowly, she let her fingers move the headboard to the right, thus indeed revealing a hidden compartment. But what was inside was _not _what she expected - nor wanted - to find.

All she was able to make out was a small device of some sort before Hermione was sprayed in the face with something she closed her eyes for as it got her. Whatever it was, it was thick and gooey and when she ran a finger across her face, it came back red.

Hermione looked over at the mirror and saw that her face was now covered in some sort of red goo which had molded to her face perfectly, making her look like a cartoon character who was _very _angry. Not too far off from her actual feelings at the moment when all was said and done.

"That little ..." Hermione grunted and scooted down the bed until her legs hung over the edge. She stood up, but instantly regretted it.

Rather than meeting solid and stable ground, the soles of Hermione's feet came into contact with multiple round objects that caused her to fight to retain her balance while flailing her arms wildly. Hermione quickly looked down to see what she was slipping on, and saw something that took her by surprise.

Spread across this area of the floor were multiple marbles - she could tell by the shine and hardness - but these marbles were unique in that they resembled human eyes. And to make things even weirder, every one of them was staring right at Hermione. They weren't only staring; they were blinking, too. She was still flailing about, but could sense the imminence of falling. Seconds later, it indeed happened but before her fall to the left, she felt one of the marbles burst underneath her foot, and it released an oozing red liquid all too similar to blood.

Hermione landed on the floor on her back with a thud, but beneath her, she felt and could see something she could only barely register before the next trap was sprung. She had fallen into the middle of what was obviously a giant net, and it didn't take long for said net to spring into action by closing up around Hermione and hauling her up to hang from the ceiling. But just like the marbles which resembled eyeballs, this net was no ordinary net.

As Hermione hung there, trapped, she noticed that the strings encasing her were more ... leathery than usual. Not only that, but they moved. And hissed.

The net was made up of live snakes.

They were typical garden snakes and nothing particularly poisonous, but being encased in a net made up of snakes _wasn't _a desirable experience for Hermione. She had to move around carefully as she did her best to avoid a few who tried to nip at her. Just then, the door of Jack's room opened of its own volition and Hermione took the opportunity to use her best option at the moment.

"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.


	4. Fool Me Twice

**A/N: I really have managed to get these first four chapters out quick, haven't I? Well, what can I say, I've been inspired. We'll see how fast the rest of the chapters come, but here's the latest.**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Fool Me Twice...

Jack and Abby were seated on the couch in the living room beside each other, their heads slightly hung low as Ron paced back and forth behind them. Ron had been doing his best to stay true to his promise and wait for Hermione to come down, but his affection for the two kids sitting in front of him was too great for him to let them be scolded in the way he imagined Hermione was about to do. He had to let Jack and Abby know how he himself felt about the matter.

"You soaked her underwear in meat so Nigel would tear up her pants and attack her butt," said Ron in a tone which suggested accusation as he continued to pace. He sighed. "Guys, as much as I enjoy a good prank on someone else ..." he glanced over in the direction of the stairs to make sure Hermione wasn't in earshot before leaning his head in close between them, "... and this was a _good _one, I have to admit ..." he and the kids shared a quick laugh, "... Hermione's still my girlfriend and you shouldn't be doing that kind of stuff to her. She's nice."

"Oh, _is she?_" Jack asked pointedly.

Ron shot Jack a curious look. "What do you mean by that?"

Jack shrugged innocently. "Just that because you're our favorite cousin, we want you to be sure that whoever your girlfriend is, she's someone you can trust."

"And that you know her as well as you'd like to," Abby added on helpfully. "We just want the best for you, Ron."

Their answers took Ron by surprise, not because of what they said but rather how it showed that Jack and Abby were being mature about the whole thing. Well, mature in theory, at least. "Well, I really do appreciate that but by now, I'm pretty sure Hermione and I -"

"-TRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! YOU ARE TRESPASSING! INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!"

"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"

The abrupt burst of sound made all three Weasleys literally jump in surprise. It quickly filled the house and as Ron stuffed his fingers into his ears, he could make out that the racket was coming from upstairs.

"WHAT IS THAT?" he yelled above the din.

Jack and Abby shared a quick grin. "FOLLOW US!" declared Jack as he and Abby led the way upstairs with Ron right on their heels.

When they got to the upper level, they saw that the door to Jack's room was wide open, and it was obvious that the incessant noise was coming from there. But it was the sight waiting for them in the room that made Ron, Abby and Jack stop in their tracks. Ron looked on in wide-eyed disbelief while Jack and Abby burst out laughing.

From the ceiling hung a net made of live snakes, a few of which were trying to nip at the prisoner inside who kept jerking away from their mouths: Hermione. She appeared very bedraggled and her face was as red as a tomato, but not from anger or embarrassment, from the colored substance that was smeared all over it. When her eyes found the Weasleys, Hermione leaned forward eagerly.

"GET ME DOWN!" she exclaimed.

As Jack went over to his dresser and reached up to push a secret button on the radio which caused his homemade siren to turn off, Ron took a few steps into the room and extracted his wand, which he used to make the snake net vanish. Of course, this meant that Hermione went tumbling to the floor with a small shriek.

"What happened?" asked Ron as Hermione picked herself up and dusted off her clothes. He knew it was a rather stupid question in retrospect, but it was the only sentence that came to mind.

Hermione leveled a shaking finger at Jack and Abby. "Ask them!" she snarled. Now, she really was angry, and the fact that her face was already red made the action so comical, Jack and Abby couldn't help but giggle into their fists.

"It looks like you walked into the Burglar Traps I set up, Hermione," Jack said as he tried to control his laughter. "I guess thanks are in order."

"What?" Hermione spat.

"Well ... at least now I know they work! I have valuable stuff in here that needs protecting!"

"Yeah," giggled Abby. "And you got caught red-_faced!_" She snickered uncontrollably at her little joke.

Hermione gritted her teeth. "I wouldn't have had to come in here in the first place if you hadn't taken my wand!"

"Oh, is that what this is all about?" Jack asked casually. He reached into his pocket and produced Hermione's wand, which he just as casually held out to her. "Well, here, you can have it back."

Hermione closed the distance between them and snatched the object out of his hand without a word. Admittedly, it caught her off-guard that he was willing to confess to his crime and give her wand back so soon, but she chose not to dwell on it. She stuffed it into her own pocket and addressed Ron. "I'm going to go wash my face off ..." she glared down at Jack. "... assuming I _can?_"

"Yeah, it'll come right off," replied Jack as if it was one of the most obvious facts in the world.

Hermione sighed and moved to make her way to the bathroom but Ron put out a hand to stop her. "Hold on, Hermione. Jack, Abby, do you have something you want to say to her?"

Jack and Abby briefly looked at each other, then down at their shoes solemnly. "Sorry," they muttered together.

"We promise that'll be the end of it," said Abby as she looked up into Hermione's eyes genuinely.

All of the white-hot anger that had been coursing through Hermione from being turned into a prank plaything seemed to melt away in that instant, due to the face Abby was making being too adorable to resist. Hermione sighed again and swallowed what was left of her resentment. "It's ... alright. I know that this sort of stuff runs in the family. As long as you're aware what you did was wrong, and that you're sorry about it."

Jack and Abby nodded.

Ron gave her a thankful smile and she turned and walked away. She entered the bathroom and slammed the door behind her a bit more forcefully than she meant to.

Back in Jack's room, Ron surveyed the damage. "Alright, you two, I can help clean this up."

"No, that's okay," said Jack. "It's our mess. We'll clean it up."

Once again, Ron had to be proud at the level of maturity they were showing. "Okay, then. Well, I'll be in my room unpacking and such. I think it's best to give Hermione some space and let her cool down. But if she asks, tell her that's where I'll be."

Jack and Abby smiled back. "Okay!"

Ron gave them one last friendly grin and departed off to his guest bedroom. Once he was gone, Abby crept over to the doorway to confirm that he did indeed go there, and even got an extra dose of luck when he closed his door. She turned to her brother and gave him a thumbs-up.

Jack smirked and went over to kneel beside his bed. Abby joined him soon after. Together, the siblings reached underneath Jack's bed, grabbed hold of a "special" giant box he kept stored under there and pulled it out.

"We might need to hurry," Jack told Abby as he glanced at his Golden Snitch watch.

"Would it be strange if I felt bad that we're still doing this?" asked Abby.

Jack shook his head. "Nah. I mean, yeah, Ron _did _ask us to stop, but by the end of this weekend, Ron will be thanking us. You'll see. Now, come on."

* * *

She hadn't been keeping track of the time, but by Hermione's estimation, it took her a good fifteen minutes to properly scrub the red goop off of her face. A dark red washcloth had been employed for the task and by the time Hermione was done, traces of the substance were visible on it. Her initial reaction was to use her wand to clean it off, but Hermione remembered that her mud-covered clothes from earlier were in line to be manually washed, so she figured adding a stained washcloth to the pile wouldn't matter too much. So once her face was dry, she kept the washcloth in hand and started to head downstairs.

In the hallway, a creaking sound from behind her made Hermione look curiously around to discover the source, but there was nobody and nothing there that could have made the noise. Her next instinct was to glance over at Jack's bedroom door, but it was closed. For a moment, Hermione even considered pressing her ear up against it to gauge whether or not one or both of the kids were really in there.

_No, they promised they were done. Jack even gave me back my wand to prove it._

Hermione resumed her trip downstairs and made her way through what was now an eerily quiet house. Where was everybody? Her assumption that the laundry room wasn't too far away from the kitchen proved to be correct. In fact, it wasn't so much a room as it was a slightly overgrown closet, but that was the norm for laundry rooms on average. The first thing Hermione saw upon opening the doors was a basket containing her mud-stained clothes, so she dropped the washcloth on top of them, closed the doors and went back upstairs.

When she reached the second landing, Hermione noticed that the door to Ron's room was closed as well. She briefly considered going in and telling him that she was all calmed down, but ultimately decided there was still some residual anger left which she could rid herself of by unpacking her things.

_Maybe I should make Jack and Abby a snack something to show that everything's really okay_, Hermione thought while turning her doorknob and stepping into her room.

As it turned out, everything was _not _okay. It didn't even occur to Hermione that she hadn't left her door closed. If she had, then she probably would have been able to anticipate and avoid the shower of rancid-smelling dark green fluid that rained down on her from a strategically-placed bucket over the door. Hermione reflexively dipped her head down as whatever it was cascaded all over her, not only staining her clothes but also making them smell horrid.

"EUGH!" Hermione flecked some of it off her fingers and reluctantly lifted an arm to her nose to sniff. The stench made her gag. "STI - STI - STINKSAP?!" She stomped out of the puddle that had accumulated at her feet and began looking around. "JACK! ABBY! COME OUT THIS INSTANT! YOU TWO ARE SO DEAD!"

But neither of them were anywhere to be seen as Hermione stood there breathing through her mouth, nor did their laughter ring out from anywhere. She let out a frustrated grunt. It was then that Hermione noticed that her bag and all the items that had been dumped out onto her bed were now gone, as if they had never been there to begin with. Hermione was about to move forward to investigate when she heard the faint sound of chuckling coming from behind the closed doors of the closet.

"Got you!" she said through gritted teeth as she approached the closet in determination. Any sense of déjà vu concerning this whole situation completely escaped her.

Hermione grabbed the handles of the closet doors and yanked them open, expecting to find the two pranksters inside, but no such luck. Instead, she found the same portable radio from Jack's dresser seated on a stool with the laughter emanating from it. But it was only a fleeting view, because the next thing she knew, Hermione was being showered with yet another onslaught of something, only this time it was thick and gooey. The new substance did a better job of not only covering her entire person, but also making her feel weighed down. When Hermione attempted to move away after spotting a large upside-down bucket high above in the closet connected to a string which was in turn connected to the inner doors, she slipped and landed on her bottom.

The laughter from the radio persisted mockingly.

From the consistency and the smell, which wasn't strong enough to mask that of the Stinksap, Hermione could tell that the new goop on her was molasses.

A string of obscenities ran through her mind, but all Hermione could manage was a loud and feral grunt of rage. Carefully, she got to her feet, which was an effort in and of itself given the stickiness of the molasses, and held onto the dresser to steady herself once she was on her feet. Above the dresser was a mirror, and when Hermione got a look at herself, she let out a groan.

The dark green of the Stinksap had been replaced by the deep brown of the molasses, which plastered Hermione's hair to her head and shoulders and reinforced the Swamp Creature image she'd had when she'd been covered in mud. She was starting to think that had been a prank, too.

Her own reflection had distracted Hermione from the red police car light that was sitting on top of her dresser. That is, until it started going off, flashing its red light. The recording of laughter on the radio then turned to an all-too familiar shout.

"INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! YOU ARE TRESPASSING! INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!"

"OH, COME ON!" Hermione yelled.

Then came something on the recorded message that was new. "PREPARE FOR PUNISHMEMT!"

"Punishment?" Hermione asked uncertainly as she gazed over at the radio. "Wha-"

Her question was answered in the form of a sudden and sharp pain on her butt which felt like a spank.

"Ouch!"

Hermione turned her head back to see what had done it and spotted a ping pong paddle attached to a string that came down at an angle from the ceiling. It seemed that Jack and Abby had dipped into their father's supply of Muggle objects for this whole prank, as evidenced by the paddle and police light. Hermione was brought back to the present when she noticed that the ping pong paddle had traveled back up the length of string by itself and was now descending back towards her bottom.

In a panic, Hermione attempted to move out of the paddle's line of fire, but found that the sticky molasses was doing an all-too-good job of holding her to the dresser. She could only struggle uselessly as the paddle struck her again on the butt, and it felt more forceful this time.

"JACK! ABBY!"

To her left, Hermione saw movement in the open doorway, and there were Jack and Abby, who were howling in laughter while pointing fingers at Hermione and her current predicament.

"IT'S - OW! - NOT - OUCH! - FUNNY! OOOOH!"

With each hit of her rear, the ping pong paddle increased in speed and forcefulness, which just made the two young Weasleys laugh even harder.

But once they had caught their breath, Jack stepped further inside. "We're sorry, Hermione, but we thought you'd like to have your own Anti-Burglar Traps in your room. You never know when someone will come sneaking in who isn't welcome!" He waved a hand in front of his nose. "Pee-yew! It sure does smell in here!"

"GET ... ME ... OUT ... OF ... THIS ... BLASTED ... THING!" Hermione shouted.

"I can't believe you actually fell for the same trick twice!" said Jack. "Ron said you're supposed to be smart." He turned to his sister. "What's that saying, Abby? Fool you once, shame on us, but fool you twice ..."

"Shame on YOU!" Jack and Abby declared together and laughed.

Hermione was too angry to respond. As the paddle continued its work, Jack crossed over to the bed, ducked underneath the paddle when he needed to, got up on Hermione's bed and took out a pair of scissors to sever the string. Once he did, the paddle clattered to the floor.

Next, he and Abby both helped pull Hermione free of the dresser. She stumbled a bit as she regained her balance.

"What did you do with my bag?" she asked sharply.

"Just put it away for you," replied Abby sweetly. She innocently pointed towards the open closet.

Hermione followed the movement and leaned slightly to the right and saw that Abby was telling the truth. Beside the still-blaring radio was Hermione's bag, which had been placed on a shelf in the closet.

"We're just trying to help," Jack added politely.

_Yeah, right! _Hermione thought venomously. She walked over to the closet, grabbed her bag and faced the children again. "I'm going to shower off ... _again. _And when I get out, we're all going to have some words!"

"If you say so!" The cheerfulness in Abby's voice made Hermione want to strangle the little girl.

"Never judge a book by its cover," Hermione growled to herself as Jack and Abby filed out of her room, heading off to who knew where.


	5. TP Or Not TP

**A/N: Finally got Chapter 5 done! And things are only getting worse for Hermione ...**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

TP Or Not TP

Hermione wanted nothing more than to step into the shower and rid herself of both the smell and sticky feeling plaguing her right now, but she knew she'd be remised if she didn't show Ron what his "precious cousins" had done to her _this _time. Not only that, but she also wanted to know why the sounds of her most recent misadventure had failed to attract his attention. Surely, he couldn't claim to have not heard anything.

But, as it turned out, maybe he _could._

Right when Hermione lifted her hand to knock on his door while thinking, _New rule: no more closed doors!, _something caught her attention from the lower corner of her eye. It was cylindrical in shape, maroon red and had a large yellow "W" imprinted at the top of it. In the object's center was a horizontal thin green line and when Hermione picked it up and put it beside her ear, she could hear a noise that was similar to the buzz of static. She recognized what it was immediately.

It was a Secret Silencer, one of many Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes products. This particular invention was designed to mute the sounds of any occurrence one wanted to keep secret from somebody else. So if, say, two mischievous little cousins of someone wanted to conceal the fact that they were continuing to prank his girlfriend, then all they would have to do would be to place the Silencer in an ideal spot like outside his bedroom door and turn it on. That way, the sound of mayhem wouldn't even reach him.

"Crafty," muttered Hermione as she switched off the device, making the green light extinguish. She knocked on Ron's door.

When he opened it, Ron went from looking shocked at the sight that awaited him to choking down a laugh and holding his nose in disgust all within a matter of seconds. "What in Merlin's beard are you covered in?"

"Stinksap," Hermione spat out. "But you can't tell underneath all the molasses."

"No, I can definitely tell," said Ron, still pinching his nose to protect himself from the smell. He exhaled heavily through his mouth. "But ... when did _this _happen?"

"I don't blame you for being confused." Hermione held up the Secret Silencer.

"Jack and Abby," both young adults said at the same time, although their tones were drastically different.

Hermione handed Ron the Silencer and he regarded it with faint amusement. "It appears George has been giving them discounts on a few store items." He looked back at Hermione. "Along with a few pointers."

"Well, it's high time someone set them straight!" huffed Hermione. "Which is exactly what I'm going to do after I wash up. Thoroughly."

"Yeah, but -"

"_Don't even try _to stand up for them!" Hermione jabbed an icky finger in front of her boyfriend's face. "Otherwise, I might just revoke your snogging privileges for the time being!"

"Yes, ma'am," said Ron as he blanched slightly.

"Now, can I expect you to clean up the mess in my room and keep the children in order while I'm in the shower?" Ron nodded silently, knowing full well not to speak out of turn at the moment. "Good." With that, Hermione turned on her heel and stormed into the bathroom, where she shut the door with a slam that reverberated throughout the house.

This time, she made sure to lock the door.

* * *

Hermione's second Jack and Abby-related shower took the better part of an hour, both because the two layers of mess required a lot of scrubbing to eradicate and the smell of the Stinksap proved quite stubborn. But after ten latherings of flower-scented shampoo, Hermione was finally smelling like her usual self again, which made her satisfied enough to turn off the water and step out of the shower, wrapping herself in a towel in the process.

Her wand lay on the counter while her latest set of dirty clothes lay on the floor in a clump. _Hopefully, this is the last time I'll have to go through this little routine, _Hermione thought once she had dried off and changed into a plaid top, another set of jeans, and a pair of purple socks. She figured she'd add the clothes stained with molasses and Stinksap to the ever-growing pile for Gwen to clean, and depending on how Jack and Abby reacted to her impending lecture, Hermione would come up with an appropriate explanation for them.

Hermione opened the door, which instantly started to help relieve the fog of steam from her lengthy shower, and was about to step out when she noticed something taped to the outside of the door. It was a note, and Hermione recognized Ron's handwriting straight away. She curiously detached the paper from the door and read the inscribed message it held.

_Hermione,_

_While you were in the shower, Aunt Gwen contacted me by owl and asked if I could run into town and get some stuff for dinner. I told Jack and Abby to wait downstairs in the living room for you. You can go ahead and give them a talking-to without me, but try to remember it's Jack's birthday tomorrow, so try not to be TOO hard on him. Okay? See you three when I get back._

_Kisses,_

_Ron_

Upon finishing the letter, Hermione started to find Ron's insistence on not being too strict with Jack and Abby just a little disconcerting. He'd seen what they'd done to her so far, so why did it feel like he was trying to avoid disciplining them? Regardless, Hermione was _not _about to let Jack and Abby get away with their mischief, nor was she going to let them use Ron's fondness for them to their advantage.

Hermione crumbled up the note and threw it in the wastebasket in the bathroom. She then took her bag back into her room, but first paused at the threshold and scanned inside for any signs of trickery. Satisfied there were none and also that Ron had indeed cleaned up all the mess, Hermione quickly stowed away her luggage in the closet and went back out into the hallway.

She noticed the doors to both Jack's and Abby's rooms were wide open, and that neither of the little troublemakers were nowhere to be seen in either of them.

"Alright, time to teach these two who's boss," Hermione said to herself confidently.

It was with great purpose that she marched down the stairs. Along the way, she could hear the faint sounds of Jack and Abby talking with one another, which signified their presence in the living room as Ron had promised. Hermione was already getting fired up and just a little excited about the lecture she was going to give. A few select phrases were even running around in her head, phrases that made Hermione more proud of herself and how authoritative she was about to come off.

"Okay, Jack and Abby!" she called out. "Get ready for a _long _talk about respect!"

But only a few steps across the threshold into the living room was all it took for Hermione's confidence to come falling down.

There came a moment once Hermione had made it into the living room where she tried to pick up her right foot and continue walking, but found that the body part wouldn't comply. She looked down in confusion while trying to do the same with her left foot, but that one refused to move as well.

"What in the ...?"

And it was then that Hermione felt it. A thick, icky sensation in between the bottoms of her socks and the hardness of the floor. With one final struggle to move from the spot which proved futile, Hermione's suspicions were confirmed. She had just stepped in a layer of Wiz Glue.

Hermione grunted and darted her eyes around the living room, and only now noticed that Jack and Abby were nowhere in sight.

"Ha ha, very funny!" she said to the seemingly empty area. "You made me unable to move. _Now _what's supposed to happen?"

"This!" Abby's voice rang out delightfully from Hermione's left.

Hermione jerked her head in that direction and saw the little girl standing against the wall, behind the portion beside the entryway which made for an effective hiding spot from anyone just entering the living room. Jack was in the exact same position on the right, and before Hermione could react in any other way, the seven year-old boy gave something of a battle cry.

"SWARM! SWARM!"

The first thing Hermione saw after hearing the order was a white line lift up from the floor in front of her. How had she not noticed that before? And as the line moved in towards her, Hermione realized exactly what it was: a very lengthy string of toilet paper. Each end of the toilet paper was being held by Jack and Abby, both of whom promptly started to run in circles around Hermione the instant the paper touched her body.

If Hermione had currently had the ability to move her legs, then she could've gotten out of the predicament easily. But since her feet were in fact glued to the floor, she could do nothing except wriggle uselessly while Jack and Abby kept racing in circles around her, in effect tying her up in the toilet paper.

"You're going to pay for this!" Hermione snapped, almost getting dizzy herself from watching their movements.

"Keep telling yourself that, Hermy!" Jack mocked, causing Hermione to flinch at the use of that particular nickname. It brought on flashbacks to Grawp in The Forbidden Forest.

"You little ..."

Jack and Abby persisted in wrapping Hermione up in toilet paper, arms pinned to her sides, until only her head was the one thing not covered up. Once they had completed their task, the two kids high-fived each other and admired their handiwork for a moment.

"Before we go on," said Jack as he pulled out a small vial from his pocket and uncorked it, "just one more thing." He knelt down beside Hermione's toilet paper-encased legs and emptied the vial's clear liquid contents around her feet.

Hermione was about to ask what the purpose of that had been when she suddenly felt the stickiness beneath her feet going away. At first, Hermione was relieved, but then she realized what it meant with her currently being so tightly tied up.

"TIMBER!" yelled Jack.

In keeping with Jack's humorous reference, the now un-glued Hermione fell backwards much in the same way as a large tree that just had its base chopped through with an axe. During the fall, Hermione was worried that her head would hit the floor too hard, but relief came in the form of a pillow placed perfectly in her path. At least the kids were somewhat safety conscientious.

"Now, then," announced Jack while he and Abby stepped over to stand directly over their captured quarry, "you wanted to talk, Hermione. So, let's talk."

The two young Weasleys plopped themselves down on Hermione's chest, which made her grunt from the weight. Jack and Abby looked down at her with broad smiles.

"I think you wanted to speak with us about ... well, all this?" Abby asked conversationally, indicating Hermione's state of "mummification."

"Yes!" Hermione replied through gritted teeth. "I have two questions for you. One, why is it you're doing this? And two, what do I have to do to get you to stop?"

"Those, dear Hermy, are the right questions!" Jack answered with all the charisma of Gilderoy Lockhart before the celebrity had his memory wiped. "What do you know? You just might be smart after all!" He leaned down and went so far as to pinch her right cheek in the same manner as a grandparent showing their grandchild how adorable they were.

Hermione wrenched her face free of the pinch in extreme annoyance.

"You see, it's quite simple, really," said Abby. "We don't think you're fit to be Ron's girlfriend."

Hermione had to take a moment to reel from the shock of such a statement.

"Well, now, Abby, it's not really that we think she's _not fit_," Jack said to his sister, acting like they weren't literally sitting on top of the topic of conversation at the moment, "it's just that we ... well, don't like her, don't trust her and think she's wicked."

That was what made Hermione rediscover her voice. "_Excuse me?_"

"Oh, don't act so shocked," Jack said tiredly, now turning his attention back to Hermione. "We know you're just taking advantage of Ron. For why, though, we're not sure. But we're onto you and your little tricks!"

"And we're not going to let you get away with it!" Abby jabbed a finger at Hermione's face for emphasis.

"This is ... _completely mental!_" Hermione exclaimed, her voice cracking on the last two words. "What could _possibly _make you think that?"

"We're not dumb, you know!" snapped Jack. "We can put things together! Like how Ron always used to complain about you being too bossy, and now, he thinks you're as cool as Quidditch." Jack scoffed at the comparison. "As if!"

"You're only _children!_" Hermione snarled. "You couldn't possibly understand how -"

"Don't talk down to us!" interrupted Abby. "We understand plenty, and we understand nothing better than we do Ron! You made him your boyfriend through one of your potions that you slipped him or something, because you can't stand any guy not liking you! You're evil!"

It wasn't so much that the kids' words hurt Hermione's feelings, but rather they only served to make her even angrier. "How ... how DARE YOU!" She attempted to wriggle herself free, but the combined pressure of the tight toilet paper and the kids sitting on top of her made it an extremely difficult task.

"No ... how dare _you!" _Abby fired back. "You want to know what you can do to get us to stop? It's easy. Break up with Ron and lift whatever spell you have over him!"

"There isn't any spell, or effects from a potion for that matter!" It was at that moment Hermione began seething. "And if you think I'm going to let a couple of stuck-up brats dictate my love life, well you've got another thing coming!"

Jack and Abby looked at each other and nodded.

"Well ... if _that's _the way you want to play it ..." said Jack with finality. He and his sister got up off of Hermione and stepped down to where her feet were.

"What are you doing? Letting me free?" Hermione didn't realize how stupid of a question it was until after it escaped her lips. _NOW look who's being mental, _grumbled a voice in her head.

Jack and Abby laughed at her before they each grabbed one of her feet and began to drag her, still wrapped up in toilet paper, in the direction of the kitchen.

"Where are you taking me?" Hermione demanded as they crossed the kitchen's threshold. When neither child replied, it made her even more ticked off. "Alright, that's it! No more Mrs. Nice Witch!" She paused to consider her own words. "Did I _really _just say that?" she asked herself under her breath.

"Oh, stuff a muffin in it, Hermione!" complained Jack on their way past the dining table. He reached up while still pulling her along, grabbed a leftover muffin from lunch off of it and literally stuffed it into Hermione's mouth as an improvised gag.

Hermione made noises of protest through it, but found that she couldn't effectively spit it out due to it being so large. She could do nothing but lean her head back and groan in defeat as Jack and Abby dragged her through the rest of the kitchen and out into the backyard.

"You're gonna like what comes next, Hermione!" Abby said in delight. She gave the older witch a devilish wink.

Hermione tried to ask, "What comes next?" but due to the muffin, it came out, "Mmmph cmmph nmemmph?"

* * *

A flash of green flames from the fireplace momentarily illuminated the whole living room and Ron stepped out of them with bags in both hands. He shook some of the leftover soot from his hair and person before setting foot on the clean carpet. The first thing that struck him upon arrival was the silence, which was almost eerie in nature, especially given what had occurred in this house before he'd left.

"Hermione? Jack? Abby?" he called out. There was no reply.

Ron slowly made his way into the kitchen, where he set down the bags of food he'd been asked to collect on the counter. He scanned around for any signs of foul play or clues as to where the three people in question might be. Finally, his eyes settled on the backdoor, which was wide open and allowing a cool breeze to filter into the house.

"Are they outside?" Ron asked himself curiously, even though a small feeling of dread had started to creep up through his body.

The first thing Ron saw after stepping through the backdoor was the countryside bathed in the glow of late afternoon light, as opposed to Jack and Abby running around and playing. He sighed and really started getting worried at that point. If Hermione had been able to get his cousins under control in his absence, then his girlfriend would have greeted him immediately upon his arrival with such news.

So, where was she?

Ron got the answer when he glanced over at where Nigel's doghouse was sitting in the shade of a nearby tree. He could do nothing but gasp at the sight awaiting him, funny though it might have been.

Hermione, as it turned out, was completely tied up in what looked to be toilet paper and was lying face-down in the grass directly in front of the entrance to Nigel's doghouse. But that wasn't all. Nigel himself was standing directly over Hermione's legs and had his head bowed down, obviously over her butt, and it looked like he was quite literally sniffing and licking it. As Ron walked over to them, though, he discovered why.

Spread all over Hermione's toilet paper-covered rump was something thick that fully had Nigel's interest. At first, Ron thought it was something more disgusting, but once he was standing right beside the scene, he could tell that it was dog food.

Jack and Abby had turned Hermione's butt into a dog bowl.

Hermione obviously sensed a new presence, because she quickly turned her head around and gazed desperately up into Ron's eyes. When she saw who it was, her expression became darker.

"Your cousins," she said through gritted teeth, "are dead meat!"


End file.
